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Sunday, April 30th 2006

12:25 AM

My LIFE as I remember it…

  • Mood: reminiscent.~*
  • Music: Vivian Green~A Love Story





My LIFE as I remember it…



I know this journal has been a confusing revelation of my life mixed with wacky humor and jest of my duel personality traits. But recently someone asked about my boy hood. So now that I have an audience in her and in regard to something specific I have been inspired to document it. However I do dedicate this article to that person, my friend  : )P whom I have become quite fond of…


I was born in Tucson Arizona into a Military Family. My father was in the Air Force my Mother was the daughter of an Army Cavalry non commissioned officer. So everywhere I turned was strict discipline in what it meant to be a man and what it means in becoming a man. I was never known as a boy but as a little man. The only sense of Love I received was from the women in my life, as a little man; whom they would often come to my defense when the strong arm of the beast would bear down a bit too brutally.

I cherish the picture of me in my mothers arms because not long after that photo was taken my mother wasn’t allowed to hold me at my Fathers request to keep me from becoming a mamas boy or some sort of sissy. All of my father’s demands upon me did back fire upon him quite often for I was born with an acute sensitive nature and was in tune with the earth and mother nature who became my parent as my parents lived and fought out their vices and immaturities. Demons and ghost of that nature often followed me through out my life and into my relationships. It took some time before I noticed that I was much like my Father and the women were much like my mother in regard to the vices of the lower human nature. We all experience these moods, feelings and emotions. We have all acted upon them in some degree or another. However this attitude towards me and the constant travel of being the son of a military man caused me to become somewhat of an introvert, keeping silent, soft spoken and creating my own world to live in. All of this was displeasing to my Father who wanted me to be a superhuman like him.

This is an example of my Father…he signed me up for summer baseball while we were living and stationed in Germany. He came home with a Ball and Glove to inform me of his wonderful news that he had for me. Then he walked me out into the field behind our German home off the base in the Town of Stahl outside Bitburg the city, to give the news and grant me a crash course in the art of baseball. He squared my shoulders and walked away all the while talking of how I was enrolled to start training on Saturday. Then he spun around, wound up and fires the ball which promptly snapped in my glove. He actually took a double take surprised that I caught it. I threw it back somewhat sloppy and lacking confidence. So he wound up real good and fired it at my twice as hard from the first. Lucky he was a good aim because I just put the glove in front of me for protection. This time it snapped and stung. He was amazed and for the first time he gave a surprising complement. I smiled back no teeth showing as I threw the ball back with a little more accuracy. He caught it and gave it a little flip in the air and then just rapid fired it back instantly. I had no time to react for the ball just appeared in my glove as a smoking fireball. This time the sting went past the skin and straight to the bone. I grimaced in pain but only unto myself not to spoil our Father Son moment together where I was feeling some sort of sick acceptance. He was about 30 and I about 10 years of age. He said God damn Mike that ball had to be going at least 60 miles an hour. Have you been playing ball in PE? I lied and said yeah I’m use to kids throwing it much faster than that. He raised an eyebrow and that was it for the evening as I must have struck his pride a bit and we walked back to the house and he blabbed about a lot of things that I just could care less about. That night I went into the bathroom and wept as I nursed my purple bruised palm back into shape for Saturday try outs. I had a hard time catching the ball until the coach came up and said let me take a look at that glove. He said yeah this baby is not even broken in. Looking at me the whole time and I knew he meant I wasn’t going to make the team until he took a double take at my hand and saw the purple green and yellow bruise in my palm. He instantly shouted to the league general with the clipboard and said… “This one’s mine!” My dad standing in the bleachers behind the chain link gave a proper shout out for his boy and I marched off with the coach who introduced me to his son and said we’ll get this glove broken in just in time for the start of the first season game. From that moment I was brought under the wings of these fine people and literally was turned into a superstar. They had so many tricks to playing the game that in just a short time I had a complete mental 360. These kids didn’t play like normal kids, they were professional baseball players in children’s bodies and suddenly I became one of them. I was now in the METZ we went on to become the Champions of the season winning game after game. We were undefeated for the longest time until we met our counter part rivals The Indians. We still got the trophy and it was a transforming experience in my life. So the baseball experience did turn out to be a positive one in spite of the fear and pain that it began with. That year did end with my parents divorce and me back in the states with my Mom and two sisters. I offered to stay with my dad out of some sort of loyalty but my mother wouldn’t hear of it and my father for the first time was simply down trodden. Later my step Father Tom tempered me into a somewhat of a well balanced individual. Someday I’ll go into specifics of that grand baseball season. Two of my team mates were also Alter boys with me at the base Church. But all of this is another time and another story.

I really want to start from the beginning…

My earliest memory goes back to diapers. The picture I’ve posted of myself drinking the remaining essence of Coors was my first real photo session. I remember being enticed down a hallway into a room where my parents said come on son wait till you see all the toys we have for you in here. They sat squatting at my level at the end of the hall as I made my first steps. My Dad was holding a camera and I wobbled towards them and suddenly he took the picture with a huge flash that blinded me and knocked me on my arse. I remember them speaking and understanding every word they spoke. I knew what toys were and my little heart raced as I made my way towards them. I can remember envisioning toys and happiness to see the surprise, until POOF; and I landed flat on my rear in tears. I clearly remember my parents going ahhhh and running over to console me. The flash of the bulb literally burned it into my mind and caused the moment to become a permanent memory that I have carried with me all my life. After that all goes blank until one day while sick I stared out the picture window from our couch. We were suddenly in Sacramento California where my younger sister Becky was born. I have an older sister, Lorraine who was born unto my Mother and a mistake that occurred when she had a relation with a young man at fourteen who was often described as a Blond haired Elvis. I forgot his name. Any way some fire men opened a hydrant and all the kids gathered in its pour and spray. Laughing and carrying on as I watched. I turned to my mother and asked if I could join in. But she said no that I was just getting over being sick. So I just watched as the first personality traits of introversion and loner ship began to form.

Next I was suddenly transported to Austin Texas and it was here that I became nature’s child. My mother had cut all apron strings and I was allowed to wander as I pleased. We had a creek behind our home that winded all over the place and each day I would go deeper and deeper into the wilderness. I can remember clearly some sort of protecting spirit guiding me. I remember this spirit to be Indian in nature and was neither male nor female. It was just a very thin cloud that spoke once in a while and was one with my conscious. It hovered above me and I was never able to really look at it directly. But I could see it in my minds eye as I was directed to wander the creek. At first I would wander the banks of the creek and witness all the wildlife scurrying about. I would continue the journey each day until one day the bank ran out and I was forced to enter the water and follow it first ankle deep, then knee and then waist until the final journeys were neck deep. The wildlife and I were one with each other. I was in such proximity that often the creatures would look at me briefly and then continue on with their lives. Once a pancake turtle swam   up to me about knee deep and I picked it up out of the water. We shared a moment of eye contact as it blinked and blew little bubbles from its nose. I set it back in the water and watched it swim away. Once I came across a tiny pool of tadpoles and watched them grow each day upon my return into gigantic fish tadpoles. I had no fear of them and boldly would just reach in to the pool and handle them. Now I often have a moment of the jiggles just reaching into the hamster cage. One day upon returning to the tad poles pool they were simply all gone. I wandered the creek 6 to 8 hours a day. The only thing that would draw me home was hearing my Mother in the far off distance calling my name. Like some sort of Tarzana she’d yell in a melodic tone of loving sweetness… MYYYY CAALL….MYYY CALLL… MYYYY CALLL…and I would leap to her voice and run home back tracking my steps like Hansel following the bread crumbs. Once the Sun went into twilight and I was so far from home and had lost all track of time. I found myself scampering back wondering why she didn’t call me. Upon the banks as it grew darker and hard to see the trails and I slightly panicked for the first time, until I heard the deep chirp of the Bull frogs. They sat at the waters edge with firefly’s darting about them saying this is the way MICLE MCLE MICLE. They spoke to me saying we remember you…Do you remember us? I wanted to stop and visit but I knew this was no place to be at night and the Indian Spirit didn’t accompany on every journey. Or at least my deep subconscious wonder was always in effect. I came up to my mum from behind and tugged on her blouse. as I could see her stare nervously into the night. Dinner was on the table and the light from the kitchen shed that old fashioned glow upon her face. Where have you been she said, I’ve been worried sick? I said nothing but went on in for some chow. I was four years old.

I wandered the creek less and less as I began to develop relationships with the neighborhood children. I began doing the normal kid things like riding bikes and playing army man. But the creek came to an abrupt ending one day when I was about waist deep and I suddenly heard a loud scurry in the twigs from the bank and a splash. The Indian spirit suddenly appeared in my mind and said to stay calm and don’t move. Right in front of me swimming directly at me was a five foot water moccasin. It slowed down lifting it’s head from the water and then dove down about a foot and then swam gently pass my right leg. I could feel its slippery skin as I held still like a statue with my hands in the air growing steadily weary. As it passed its tail curled about my thigh for a brief second as if it were making a decision on whether to stop and inspect me further. But it suddenly shot off into the deep. I went directly home with a chilling feeling that I could possibly step on it or another. I never went that deep into the wilderness again.

My life at that time also consisted of two television shows that I watched religiously Spiderman where my Mother would come and scoop me out of bed at 7:00 am at my request and plop in front of the tube in the lounger to view where I watched my webbed hero and then would promptly fall off to sleep again. Then Red Skeleton who I loved like he was my Uncle or something. One day all my wanderlust came to a crashing halt of reality as we sat down for dinner. My Mother and Father looked at me as she made an announcement. Guess what Michael…I looked at them beaming with pride and grins as my sisters slurped. I answered them instantly… I’m going to school. The room went silent as my parents jaws dropped, saying how did you know? I said I guess I just knew it was coming. This was the first time that my parents looked at me as if I were from some other planet. I pretended to be happy and my Mother broke the ice by saying she had bought some new clothing and such. I was five years old.

To be continued....





23-5-14 - 4 -25




My Life as I Remember It

Part      1   2   3   4   5



5 Friends and Lovers.

Posted by DezertBLU:

SPIDERMAN!!! he was my hero growing up, then along came Linda Carter as Wonder Woman and I had to add her to the list, but Spidey was my first hero! I wasn't lucky enough back then to be "allowed" to watch television, so I would get the record with a book thingy and listen intently to the stories...my imagination did the rest.How cool.. your story is very interresting and very familliar in some places, different yet same ..odd isn't it? I hope this finds all well on the home front. Love and Light BLU
Tuesday, May 2nd 2006 @ 4:02 PM

Posted by Longshanks:

Thanks for the birthday wishes, sorry I just havn't had much internet time, trying to rise in the ranks at work.Cheers for your posts at my place!
Tuesday, May 2nd 2006 @ 5:31 PM

Posted by Rainbow:

You remember diapers? Now, that's good!

Hello! Thanks for the tag!

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Bad Company - Run With The Pack

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Wednesday, May 3rd 2006 @ 1:21 AM

Posted by Sparkle:

Sunday, May 7th 2006 @ 10:01 AM

Posted by Wendy:

I was brought up on Doctor Who, & yes like most kids would hide behind the sofa for all the scary parts, now i just laugh as my own girls hide behind cushions as they watch, eyes peeking over the top because they STILL just have to know whats going to happen next!
Just like their mum lol
Tuesday, September 12th 2006 @ 5:13 AM